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26 March 2010 @ 09:17 pm
FIC: Not Strong Enough, PG-13  
Title: Not Strong Enough
Author: megan_moonlight
Date of Posting: March 26th, 2010
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Caprica
Characters/Pairings: Joseph/Daniel
Disclaimer: All characters © Remi Aubuchon/Ronald D. Moore/David Eick
Summary: Joseph can't help it. It's like an addiction.
Spoilers: Episode 1, maybe.
Warnings: None
Beta: cmc42
Author's Notes: Second part of my gift for bachaboska. We talked, and she wanted to read non-porn Joseph/Daniel fic, maybe based on Joseph and Dnaiel's relationship from the first episode. Here it is. Porn-free, angst and Josheph/Daniel. Well, I hope it's angsty. I mean, I've never even tried writing angst so I have no idea if it's good or now. I still don't ship them, but... ugh, I like making bachaboska happy XD Can't help it. I'm sorry it's so long. If it'd be longer, I'd turn it into fluff, romance or something else, and it'd just end up as OOC. I didn't want that. I hope it's enough and you'll like it, Hon! <3
Mentioned at: capricaslash, caprica_fic, caprica_fans



*Not Strong Enough*


He should go. He knows it. Every time he visits or spends the night, he feels like he has to leave and just forget about everything that ever happened between them, but he can’t. Doesn’t matter how hard he tries, he just can’t let go and it scares him. It drives him crazy and he wants to scream, yell at Daniel, hit… something. But at the same time, he knows he can’t live without Daniel’s presence in his life.

“This… this can’t go on, Daniel. I can’t go on like this,” he said when he got up from the bed in the morning, feeling even worse than the night before. That night he desperately needed to see Daniel and came to visit him when he made sure everybody at his home were asleep. He kissed Willie on the forehead and left as quietly as he could.

The first time they met he felt closer to Daniel than to any other person since Shannon died. It was so easy to just sit there and drink coffee in silence, sharing the pain with somebody, simply be there without having to worry about things like talking, his job, his duties and responsibilities. Even if they didn’t know each other at all, this short time spent with the other man made him feel better somehow. Not in every sense of this word, but… with Daniel, he could just… forget about everything that happened. He knew it was wrong. Daniel was dangerous. Their relationship was dangerous, and it’d just get even worse if somebody found out. They shouldn’t have started this in the first place. Too much risk. Daniel had a wife, he had to take care of Willie. Every time he thought about his son, he felt like he was betraying his family.

Daniel didn't say anything at first. He just stared at Joseph.

Joseph sighed, hid his face in his hands and sat down in the chair next to the bed. He couldn’t look at Daniel right now. He knew that if he looks he would change his mind, he'd stay. He had to be strong, but those… feelings he had for Daniel were strong, too. It was all about Daniel.
Joseph knew Daniel needed him just as much as he needed Daniel, if not more. It was clear from the first time Daniel kissed him after he told Joseph about his plans towards Tamara and Zoe. The kiss wasn’t gentle or soft. It was a battle for dominance, biting, stroking, bruising. He wanted to stop it, tell Daniel it can’t happen and never will, but he was too lost in the feeling of the other’s lips against his own. After not being with anybody, not feeling the touch, the closeness of somebody who cares, he became very attached to Daniel. He wanted to end it, tell Daniel everything, but something inside him always managed to stop him.

And there was Sam. He didn’t like the fact that he had to lie to his brother to keep his and Daniel’s relationship in secret. It was risky and not just because Sam wouldn't be very happy about it - it’d probably end with one big fight, and he didn’t want that. There was also the feeling that he’s cheating on his wife, even if she wasn’t here anymore. Betraying Willie, Sam, the rest of his family, Tauron… and even if it wasn’t completely true, he couldn’t fight this feeling that appeared every time he was with Daniel. He didn’t want to think about what Sam would say if he would find out. And Joseph knows it’ll happen sooner or later. He has his ways and Joseph was sure his brother already started to suspect something. He wasn’t stupid.
The worst thing about it was the fact that he always forgets about it all when Daniel is close to him. It happens every time Joseph was ready to walk away, leave the old house – place of their meetings, behind him.

“I missed you,” he heard Daniel say quietly.

Joseph opened his eyes and met Daniel’s bright eyes the ones that he couldn’t stop think about.
“Don’t say that,” he replied, got up and collected all his things: jacket, a watch and his hat. Without looking back he opened the door to the room they always slept in. He was ready to leave, when Daniel said:
“I mean it, Joseph.”

When he heard his name, he had to fight the urge to come back to bed right away and stay there with Daniel a little longer. He just closed his eyes, to keep himself from doing something stupid. Instead he couldn’t help replying. “I know.”

‘Me too,’ was left unsaid. He didn’t want Daniel to hear it. Everything would just get even more complicated. He couldn’t be so weak. Opening himself even more than he already did to Daniel Graystone wasn’t a good idea and he promised himself that he won’t reveal anything more to this man. The man that already knew more about him than Joseph wanted him to know…
He left the room, but couldn’t bring himself to close the door. The door that could separate him from Daniel. Not yet.

He wasn’t strong enough.



 
 
*Mood*: creativecreative
*Music*: John Barrowman "You'll Think Of Me"
 
 
 
GeekByNight: Daniel/Joseph*geekbynight*geekbynight on August 1st, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
Frak, why am I just NOW finding this gem?? Joseph/Daniel is pretty hard pairing to pull off for me personally and you just nailed it. I love that Joseph knows he should stop but just can't help himself, it's so in character of him.

Lovely work! Definitely going into my memories :D
Megan Moonlight: sammegan_moonlight on August 2nd, 2010 05:54 am (UTC)
Awww... first comment 8D Thank you. I'm glad you like it. I feel like only two poeple did XDDDD You just made my morning.

Actually I don't even like this pairing, so it was hard to write this fic (this is also my first attempt at writing angst XD), so I had a lot of problems at first. I had no idea Joseph and Daniel are so hard to write, so I spent a lot of time thinking about it, even if it's short, but I'm quite happy with the result ^^

I'm really, really glad you like it and thank you for commenting *hugs you tight*
Napranapra on January 17th, 2011 03:13 am (UTC)
This is beautifully written. I had no idea until now how much potential this pairing has.
I love the way you address Joseph's fear of Sam finding out. Maybe Joseph somehow not only wants Daniel, but he wants to be him. Or at least be more Caprican. And that's the main wedge between the Adama brothers.
Keep up the good work!

cheers

napra
Megan Moonlight: sammegan_moonlight on January 17th, 2011 07:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you. It's a huge compliment, since I'm not really a fan of them together and I was afraid I'd get them too OOC. They have a lot of potential if they ended up together somehow, but in my opinion it'd be better for the plot if they both were single ^^'
I had to put Sam in here somehow (not only because he's my favourite character), because I adore the bond between Joseph and Sam. If I had time, I would totally write a fic about how important Sam is for Joseph (with lots of Sam/Larry, I can't resist, they're pretty much amazing together), because it'd just fit Joseph's character in my opinion ^^

Once again, thank you so much for the nice comment! ^^