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25 June 2015 @ 07:54 pm
For smallfandomfest: Underworld - Raze/Trix - Alive  
Title: Alive
Author: megan_moonlight
Date of Posting: June 25th, 2015
Rating: PG
Fandom: Underworld
Characters/Pairings: Raze/Trix
Disclaimer: All the characters © Len Wiseman/Tom Rosenberg/Gary Lucchesi/Richard Wright/Screen Gems. I make no money from this.
Summary: Trix couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He was useless and he couldn't do anything about it.
Spoilers: -
Warnings: -
Beta: lil_1337
Author's Notes: Written for smallfandomfest Round 17 for the prompt Raze/Trix, "Trix has doubts, doesn't know what to do. Raze is there, will he be able to help?"
I decided to write this fic, because the Lycans are the reason why I watched the Underworld films in the first place. Also, Raze is a pretty awesome character and Trix deserved much more screentime. It's been some time since I've seen the first film, but I hope the fic is good anyway. Enjoy!
Mentioned at: smallfandomfest, at AO3 *HERE*




*ALIVE*


Trix sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall.

He was alive. He shouldn’t have been, but there he was. He couldn’t recall what had happened, who had gotten him out, nothing. The last thing he was sure of, and still felt, was the pain in his chest and his abdomen, the pain that had pierced through him spreading throughout his whole body, burning… and then nothing. As he woke up he had noticed the familiar stones, the corridor and the comforting smell of other Lycans.

His chest still hurt and he had hissed at the pain as he tried to sit up, and only then he had found out that he was saved by Raze. He had been brought bleeding to their lair, and many had thought he wouldn’t make it, but he pulled through. He had spent two days unconscious, but they took care of him.

On the one hand, he was grateful. On the other hand… he’d failed everyone. He had been sent with Raze to find their target, because they worked well together. He had volunteered to go. And he had failed. No one talked to him about it when he had been brought back, but he saw how uneasy and restless everyone was, and it was all his fault.

After lying down for a few hours he had stood up and gone into one of the rarely used corridors.

The corridor was dark, dusty, and not many people have been using it. If they were it was more of a storage kind of place, where they kept anything that could prove to be useful. Or useless, but forgotten ones, the kind that you don’t notice, but when you do, you usually throw away anyway. He snorted. It was a good place for him to sit after all, when he thought about it.

It was dangerously close to how he felt, so why not? It wasn’t like anyone would notice him being there. Everyone had something to do, except him.

Trix opened his eyes and looked at his hands. They were still shaking. Damn it, still shaking, and he couldn’t control it. He groaned and tried to get a hold of himself. It was all useless. He was useless. He was useless and he couldn’t do anything about it. This wasn’t how he hoped it all would go.

For many years, his life was focused on running and survival. It was difficult, sometimes he barely could handle it. He never stopped being careful, life taught him to always be ready and prepared, so he stood back, rarely engaged in anything, but it was… lonely. When he decided to try to be more open, he discovered companionship. He would help the others, they would help him. It was a pack. They seemed to care.

He kept reminding himself that they were there, that he wasn’t alone, he could talk to them… but he still felt like it might have not been enough. Like he was not enough.

Trix looked at his hands again, and balled his hands, trying to get them to stop shaking, to get some control. But was it really important? He was weak. Waste of space… he’d proven all of this by not accomplishing one task. One task he volunteered for and he failed.

“Trix?”

Trix turned to look at the source of the deep voice. Raze. Shit. Trix should have heard him coming his way. Should have smelt him, but he was so focused on himself that he didn’t. He was useless after all…

“What are you doing here?” Raze asked and Trix blinked a couple of times.

“Nothing,” he replied quietly, trying not to look at the other man. It was difficult. Raze was tall. Strong. Intimidating. Raze didn’t have to even talk to anyone, one look was enough and everyone knew not to mess with him. He was one of the best. He was Lucian’s right hand.

When Trix met him for the first time, it was nothing like he’d ever experienced before. Raze shook his hand then and nodded in greeting, as if Trix was his equal. Since then he couldn’t help glancing at the man whatever he could get away with it. How could Trix not look at him, really? But what was even more important, Raze talked to him. Not orders or pointless, usual questions. Raze actually talked to him and Trix still sometimes had a hard time believing that Raze really wanted to spend time with him. And now he was the one who had saved him.

“I just needed some time alone,” Trix said after a while when the other man didn’t move, hoping Raze would believe him. He really didn’t want to come across as… even weaker.

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

Trix tried to keep his breathing steady. Raze stepped closer to him and sat down, keeping some distance between them, but still close enough for Trix to be able to lean against him if he wanted to. Trix had no idea what to say to that, really, so he stayed quiet. Only when he felt Raze’s hand on his knee he looked at the other man. It wasn’t anything new, whatever it was between them. Trix knew Raze liked touching him, even if it was some small gesture like a hand on his shoulder or on his knee. For some reason the other man’s touch, especially the gentle, reassuring touches, always managed to surprise Trix, but also made him feel special.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” Raze asked after a while and Trix wanted to lean against him right then. Raze’s hand was warm against him…

“Has anybody ever left the pack?”

As soon as the words left his mouth he could feel Raze tense. He wasn’t really sure which one of them was more surprised, Raze by his question, or Trix by Raze’s reaction. Raze was always cool and composed, but now when Trix looked at him, he seemed to be lost and confused. He had never seen the man look like that, his mouth open slightly, as he tightened grip on Trix’s leg slightly.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just… I think it would have been better,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around his other knee. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Raze right then.

“Why?”

“I couldn’t help, Raze. I was shooting and…I failed. I should have died there,” he said quietly and leaned back a bit, so the back of his head was touching the cold stone.

“Don’t say that,” he could feel Raze move closer and then a strong hand cupped his chin, turning his head so that their eyes met.

Raze’s eyes were deep and dark. They could convey so much, and now all of this emotion was focused on Trix.

“It’s true,” he whispered, but this time he did not look away. “You should have left me there. Maybe then it would have been…”

“I wouldn’t have left you there. Yes, what we do and what Lucian says is important, but don’t ever think I would have ever left you there.”

“But why? I’m not anyone important. I’m know I’m expendable. If someone else were there instead of me, maybe we’d have succeeded.”

Raze’s brow furrowed in a grimace as he bared his teeth a bit. He was irritated and angry. Trix could smell the mix of emotions and if it were anyone else he’d have tried, and managed, to step back, put some distance between himself and the other wolves, but this was Raze. Trix trusted him.

“You. Are. Not. Expendable,” Raze said slowly, never taking his eyes off Trix’s, and there was something Trix have never heard in his voice before, like concern. And maybe fear. Or maybe it was just a wishful thinking, because being in the center of attention of someone like Raze, it was definitely not something he was going to complain about, even if he probably didn’t deserve any of it.

“Please, Raze. As if…”

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself.”

“Why? It’s true. It’s not like I don’t know it,” Trix looked at the ground once again. Raze stayed in the same position, but Trix tried not to think about it. He moved away from Raze a little bit, putting more distance between them. Just in case. He didn’t even know what to do with himself right then. He liked being close to the other man, but every time he was, he couldn’t help thinking that he just wasn’t good enough.

He was about to say that he’d prefer to be alone after all, when a growl escaped Raze’s throat. A deep growl that echoed through the nearby corridor and made Trix look at the other man right away, inhaling sharply at the sudden sound.

“You’re a Lycan. You’re stronger than that,” Raze said, using a stern, determined voice made that Trix shiver. “After everything we’ve all been through, after what they’ve done to us, we should keep fighting. If you give up now, it means they defeated you, and they didn’t. You’re strong. You survived,” Raze took hold of his wrist, squeezing, more tightly than Trix had expected from him. “And you’re going to give up now? Really? Are you going to let them win? You are not a coward, Trix. I know you are not.”

“You’re probably the only one,” he fought the urge to touch the new scars on his chest and ended up balling his fists against his knees.

“No. You volunteered to go, and you fought. Everyone saw how determined you are.”

“Yeah, they saw how easy it is to take me down, too.”

“There were times when I was defeated, too, when I thought everything was over,” Raze said quietly after a few seconds, never looking away from Trix. “More than once. Do you think that makes me weak? Expendable? Inferior?”

“What? No,” Trix blinked, surprised. “No, you’re not. You’re the best of us.”

“Then why do you think all of this makes you weak?”

“Because I’m not you. I’ll never be like you. Everyone respects you. You don’t even have to say anything, they just look at you and know not to piss you off,” Trix snorted, suddenly feeling tired. “Look at me. I’m just…”

“You’re stronger than you think, Trix,” Raze moved his hand to catch Trix’s chin again and turning his head so that they could look at each other again.

Trix focused on Raze’s eyes. The man was serious. He really seemed to think that Trix was…important. And his hand was warm against Trix’s skin, as he moved his it to cup his cheek.

“Sorry,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry for all of this, Raze. You probably have something more important to do than sitting here with me. I’m just so fucking tired of feeling useless.”

Raze did not say anything to that, but when Trix wanted to open his eyes, he felt warm lips on his. The other man put the other hand on Trix’s shoulder then moved it to his neck gently, caressing the skin and bit his lower lip gently and Trix groaned. As corny and cliché it sounded, every time they kissed Trix couldn’t help feeling like nothing else mattered. He could feel at ease and just calm down and focus on Raze’s touch.

“Don’t ever say that you’re expendable” Raze murmured against his lips as they broke apart. “You’re not. Not to me. Got it?”

Trix opened his eyes to look at the other man and nodded slowly. “Yeah. I mean, I’ll probably keep feeling like shit, but I promise I’ll try to work on it.”

“If you do feel like that, just come to me. We’ll work on that. Sounds good?”

“You do know it’s not that easy, right?”

Raze snorted then and kissed him again. “We’ll work on that as long as it takes,” he said and Trix decided to believe him. They could try, after all, right? “Do you want to stay here or can we get back to eat? Someone should be back with food already.”

Trix let himself smile at that. “You go eat, I’ll be there soon. I’ll just stay here a while longer, I guess.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

Raze didn’t look convinced, but he nodded. Pressing a quick kiss to Trix’s lips he got up and left.

Trix leaned back against the wall again, sighing quietly. He couldn’t promise Raze that those… panic attacks, or whatever else they were, wouldn't happen again. He probably should work on it, even if it was difficult. But Raze was also right about one more thing. They both were still there, deserved to be there. They were Lycans and they would keep fighting.



 
 
*Mood*: worriedworried
 
 
 
Julie: Original ★ fanfictionragnarok_08 on June 25th, 2015 11:55 pm (UTC)
Whoa - this fic was really good!!
Megan Moonlight: writemegan_moonlight on June 28th, 2015 04:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much :) I'm always worried about writing for new fandoms.