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06 June 2011 @ 08:11 pm
Smallfandomfest: Southland - John/Caesar - "Not Over"  
Title: Not Over
Author: megan_moonlight
Date of Posting: June 6th, 2011
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Southland
Characters/Pairings: John/Caesar
Disclaimer: All the characters © Ann Biderman, Warner Bros. I make no money from this.
Summary: Maybe it wasn't over just yet?
Spoilers: -
Warnings: A little bit of swearing?
Beta: jean_iris
Author's Notes: Written for smallfandomfest Round 09 for the prompt John/Caesar - "Meeting after a fight".
My first fanfic for "Southland". I may be a little bit nervous about posting it ^^' I felt the need to write something for John/Caesar for so long and I found the prompt interesting, so here it is. I feel a little bit better after writing it. I thin I should probably re-watch te first season of "Southland". And I can't wait for the new episodes. Who knows, maybe I'll try to write something again some time?
Mentioned at: smallfandomfest, southland_slash, southland_fic

*Not Over*

He was tired and his back hurt like hell. The whole Saturday seemed not like he had hoped it would be when he left the work the day before, nodding at Sherman in response to his waving. It wasn't a good day and it made him even more frustrated. It felt like it always happened only to him; he could never simply relax, didn’t matter how much he tried.

John Cooper sighed, closing his eyes, and leaned forward to brace himself with both hands on the sink. It was hard to even look in the mirror now. First he had to wait until the pain would disappear at least for a while. The drugs would kick in, soon, he just had to wait, like always. He hoped that staying in a comfortable position for a while might help, because damnit, he wanted to be able to do stuff without gritting his teeth in pain every time he tried to move. Or, somehow, manage to avoid Sherman's questions.
Lately he noticed that, for some weird reason, more people cared about him than he would expect. Like Ben Sherman, for instance. In the past month John had spent more time with Sherman than he had in his own house and it was still weird to have Sherman caring about him - checking on him from time to time when he though John wasn't looking, asking how he was doing or if he wanted to hang out after work. It was different from the way Laurie cared, but felt pretty close. He had no idea why, though, but sometimes it didn't even matter. Sometimes he just didn't feel like questioning it, even if he didn't understand, just because in some weird way, it seemed natural.. And there was Caesar, too. With him at least John might’ve had an idea why the other man cared, or at least seemed to care. That's probably why everything seemed so… different after Caesar had left. Laurie was busy lately, too, and… as much as he didn't like the idea, Sherman might be the only one who would listen. Or at least sit with him in silence without all the unnecessary talking, because sometimes talking just wasn't enough. But he couldn't call Sherman now. His partner had his own Saturday plans, probably with some new girlfriend. After all, it was their first Saturday off in some time. The kid deserved a break from him and his mess.

He exhaled heavily and opened his eyes. He was almost out of drugs. Opening the cabinet again, he checked how many pills he had left, just in case. He already knew he'd have to go and get more soon. He sighed and left the bathroom to make some coffee, when he heard knocking – a quiet sound, but it wasn't hard to miss it, since the whole house was pretty silent , too. Even disturbingly so. But he asked for it himself, so he couldn't really blame anybody.

Next quiet knock and John sighed once again. He resolved to just tell this somebody to fuck off so he could get back to his coffee and to pretending everything was okay. Easy. Or at least it seemed to be before he opened the door. He would probably have dropped his coffee if he’d had enough time to get it.

Before him stood Caesar, wearing a white t-shirt, hands hidden in the pockets of his dark, loose jeans. He looked lost in thoughts and definitely uncomfortable, since he was lightly biting his lower lip. He still looked too damn cute for his own good when he was doing it, but John wasn't sure if Ceasar would appreciate John telling him that at the moment. Besides that, John had no idea what was going on. The last time he’d seen Caesar they had both been screaming at each other, the other man yelling he’d had enough of being treated like shit and John had yelled back that he didn't need him, didn't need anybody and Caesar was free to leave and never come back if he had any problems. He had heard a couple of curses before Caesar had stormed out of the house, leaving the door open. That was how it had ended between them. . The last thing he remembered was Caesar's angry expression and the fury in his eyes. Now the same man who had told him he was a fucker was standing in front of the house, looking a little lost. Fuck it.

"What do you want?" he growled, not bothering to hide anything he felt at the moment. Frustration, anger, confusion…

Caesar's expression didn’t change, though he swallowed visibly and it looked like he’d curled his hands in fists, still inside his pockets. So it meant he wasn't expecting any warmer greeting. John's brow rose before he could stop it. It was the first time he had seen Caesar like this, now that he thought about this. So out of place and uncomfortable. But why, if he was the one who wanted to end their relationship? Yeah, fuck, John was used to calling it a relationship. He still couldn't stop calling it that. John had thought about it. He felt… empty, but he wasn't questioning anything that happened. He had kind of expected it, but not like that, not with both of them screaming at each other, damnit. It hurt, not that he was going to admit it out loud, especially now.

Caesar looked up to meet his eyes, as if he was struggling with the words. He licked his lips and picked up his backpack.

"I… brought beer. If you want."

John didn't know what to say to that or even what to do. The image of the other man leaving his house was still fresh in his head, even if it had happened a month ago. He’d had time to – just a little - get used to the feeling of Caesar not being around and now that he was back, standing there, the only emotion John felt was… sadness. And surprisingly, it was the only emotion he could read from the younger man's face, too, even if Caesar was trying very hard to hide it. Caesar was great in keeping up his appearances and he was very proud of it, too, so now it felt weird to look at him being so open, but John couldn't stop staring anyway. Was what they had worth another shot? He wasn't planning to change his job and if Caesar had had enough of it the last time, why did he want to stick around for the second time? And if he would later change his mind once again, John's going to end up all alone. Again..

He focused his gaze on Caesar's face. Resignation appeared in Caesar’s eyes when John didn’t say anything for a while. John had no idea what to do with the whole situation. When the younger man looked at the ground, then at his backpack and made a slow move to turn around and leave, John sighed quietly. He blinked and before Caesar could leave, he stepped back to let the other man in the house, touching Caesar's shoulder briefly.

Looking startled at first, but quickly recovering, Caesar looked at John, not saying anything.

"You're going to get your ass in here, or what? You hate warm beer."

"Whatever, man. I… I was standing here for the last thirty minutes, it's plenty warm already."

"That's why I have a fridge. So are you going to get in or do you want me to drink all of this on my own?" he pointed at the bag.

"Nah, you're too old to drink that much. Will help with that be, you know, welcome?"

The face he was used to seeing for so long lit up a little now and it was an expression John liked to see. He wanted to say how much he had missed this smile. He knew he did, but decided to stay quiet, letting his hand brush over Caesar's when he took the backpack from him. It was enough to make Caesar smile again and John smiled right back. He’d missed this closeness between them, and they way they could communicate without words. When they entered the house he made a move to close the door, but stopped right away when he felt a jolt of pain in the back. It was getting worse again. Caesar must have noticed the grimace on his face, because he was by his side immediately.

"Shit," he swore and caught John by the arm, one warm hand resting on his back gently. "Go lay down and I'll bring your pills and water."

John growled. "Listen…"

"Shut up, will you? Just go lie the fuck down and… let me take care of the rest, okay? Stop being an idiot, John," John wanted to argue and tell the other man what he thought but when he looked in Caesar's eyes and saw compassion in them, he nodded. He wouldn't admit it, but the hand on his back, moving in a small circles made him feel a lot better. And when Caesar left to bring him everything John still could feel the other man's warmth in a place where a gentle hand rubbed the skin on his back.

Later, both of them were sitting on the couch watching some action movie of Caesar's choice. John’s arm was thrown loosely around Caesar’s shoulders and Caesar’s hand was resting on his thigh. John looked at the other man who was now laughing and tightened his grip on him a little bit. Maybe it wasn't over just yet? They'd probably have more fights like that, they both knew it. But as long as they were together in the end, everything would be just fine.

*Mood*: excitedexcited
*Music*: Warren Zevon "Keep Me In Your Heart"
nrrrdy_grrrl on June 7th, 2011 12:08 am (UTC)
Megan Moonlight: coopermegan_moonlight on June 7th, 2011 06:48 am (UTC)
Thank you ^^
I was so desperate for more of John/Caesar fics and when there was almost none I felt the need to do something about it XD Most of the time I was afraid of ruining them both ;___;
SamuelJames: Southlandsamueljames on June 14th, 2011 04:20 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed this fic and how they went from uneasy to being comfortable with one another. You did a great job showing John's daily struggle so the happiness at the end was lovely.
Megan Moonlight: coopermegan_moonlight on June 14th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC)
Than you very much ^^ It took me so long to mae it work... I had to re-read it about ten times before posting it. I ate my insecurities about writing, and I didn't want to ruin John... so your comment really means a lot to me ^^
Annie Van Helsing: QUOTEfirstbornannievh on June 19th, 2011 04:02 am (UTC)
There is not enough John/Cesar around!
You're awesome for doing this :D
Megan Moonlight: coopermegan_moonlight on June 19th, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
John/Caesar totally deserves more attention and appreciation!
I'm glad you like it! *hugs*
Andreasilentflux on June 21st, 2011 10:24 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed this very much - how unsettled everything was at first and how you used John's pov here. Lovely job :D
Megan Moonlight: fraser/raykmegan_moonlight on June 22nd, 2011 08:41 am (UTC)
Thank you very much and I'm glad you like it ^^ I really enjoyed writing this fic and getting into John's head a little bit. it was my first try, so I'm really, really glad it wored!